


Never Would've Thought

by PrincessCipher



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: A bunch of one-shots, F/M, M/M, Reader is Shepard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-17 14:37:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10596054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessCipher/pseuds/PrincessCipher
Summary: Who would've thought that Jeff Moreau, who most knew as Joker, and Commander Shepard were actually married throughout their fight against the Reapers?This collection of one-shots (updated sporadically) will detail highlights of - and the beginning of - their relationship.





	1. Getting Together

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a female Shepard x Joker request, and I turned into into a gender neutral reader x Joker for the first two chapters. Anymore will be written new, so they should sound better. If I missed something, please tell me!

Hey, check out my [Tumblr](https://princesscipherite.tumblr.com/)!

And, if you like my work, consider [buying me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A173WK5)!

Yawning loudly, you stepped out of your apartment on the Citadel. The year was 2182 your Omni-Tool happily reminded you, and you were prepared to enjoy your first break in a _long_ time. After joining the alliance at the age of eighteen, you had more than proven your worth on separate occasions. Now, at the age of twenty-seven, with your birthday just around the corner, you were enjoying your promotion to Commander and the nice vacation time that came with it.

Making your way to the elevator at the end of the hallway, you paused briefly to wave to your Turian neighbor, whose slight head nod signified a return gesture. Despite rarely being at home, you had lived on the Citadel since you were fairly young – your only other home of note being Arcturus Station for a while – being one of the few Humans to call it home. Regardless of being ostracized, you had taken it upon yourself to learn everything possible about the other species, going so far as to learn the majority of their languages and mannerisms. Among the Humans, they'd probably call you an expert on Alien species and their cultures. You didn't really care, though. You were happier being in the Alliance with no one knowing of that treasure trove of knowledge in your brain.

The elevator door opened with some prompting – you really needed to call the building manager again to get that fixed – and you stepped inside, finding yourself yawning once more. Another nightmare had plagued your dreams again. Thresher Maws of all things. With a shake of your head, you tried to forget about that for now. You blinked back the tears that threatened to escape your eyes and focused on what was ahead.

You were finally going to meet an old friend.

He was a year younger than you, being born in 2155. The two of you had grown up together on Arcturus Station, you often taking blows that had been meant for him. You had always taken it in stride, telling him that you were happy to do whatever you could do to help. When you turned thirteen, he'd declared his undying love for her. It had been awkward to say the least. Later that year, as you had known at the time, your family would be moving to the Citadel.

You never told him.

Your mother and father intended to have a fresh start, and he had always known that those two were the reason he could never get in touch with you. Until recently, that is. He had been in flight school when the news came through. Sure, news of the Skyllian Blits had been all over the place in 2175, but he was too busy at the time, too focused on becoming the best damned pilot in the fleet. Then the news of Akuze came through in 2177. He could still remember the report like it was yesterday. All of the Alliance him and their horrified expressions. His inner heartbreak at not knowing what had happened to _you_.

_“This is Maria Archim, Alliance News Network, with a breaking news story. Earlier this month, a fifty unit squad of trained soldiers, led by the two upstanding marines Commander Evans and Commander Shepard, was sent to the planet of Akuze, located in the outskirts of Alliance space. The purpose of this mission was to investigate a newly formed colony that had suddenly gone dark. Based on a reliable source, the colony was found intact, but with no survivors. It was decided that the squad would rest for the night and wait for retrieval the following day. During the night, the squad was attacked by Thresher Maws. Based on transmissions, seventeen marines – including Commander Evans – were killed in the first assault. Throughout the night, Commander Shepard led the marines to the best of their ability. Unfortunately, it is now known that only one soldier made it out alive. Commander Shepard was retrieved, barely breathing and covered in acid burns, from the planet. It is unknown now where they are or what their current condition is.”_

He had been torn up after that and did whatever he could to find you. It wasn't until a few years later, the end of 2181, that he'd found out you were living on the Citadel. A couple months later, March of the following year, he managed to get some time off to go meet you. He also pulled a few strings to get a message sent to you ahead of time.

Of course, you only knew bits and pieces of that based on the message you had received. You were happy not only to see him, but to know that he was doing well in flight school. It had been his dream ever since he was little to become a pilot. However, deep inside your mind, was an irrational worry that the two of you would be awkward around each other. The last thing you had talked about all those years ago was his love confession, which had been awkward enough in itself. Your parents hadn't even let you say goodbye.

The elevator doors opened, effectively cutting off your thoughts. With another shake of your head, wiping away some stray tears, you stepped out and started towards the entrance of the building. You opened your Omni-Tool, checking it once more. Your friend had promised to message you the meeting place, but your in-box kept blinking 'empty', disregarding some spam that was apparently some sort of enhancement for Krogan.

You only knew..., what? Three Krogan? _Maybe_?

“Spirits, Goddess, anything above,” you mumbled, raising your gaze upward, “please tell me I'm not getting too worked up over this!”

With a deep breath, you stepped close enough to the door for it to acknowledge your presence and open. The light outside was unusually brighter than it was inside. You stepped out, covering your eyes with your gloved hand for a moment to let them adjust. After your eyes focused again, you zipped up the N7 sweatshirt, effectively covering up the white tank-top underneath, before smoothing out your jeans and tapping the tips of your black combat boots to the tiled Presidium floor. What were you supposed to do while you waited?

A figure across your apartment building caught your eye. He was leaning against a wall, olive green eyes looking intently at something on his Omni-Tool. Te part that made him stand out amongst the throng of people, however, were the braces on his legs, covering the dark blue jeans. A white Alliance hat rested on his head, covering hair that, judging by his scruffy beard, was a chocolate brown. An unzipped sweatshirt partially hid a dark blue t-shirt from view. The boots on his feet looked like they were able to be connected to the braces, aiding in their primary function, support. But the braces... The eyes... It couldn't be...

“Jeff...?” came your voice, too quiet for anyone but you to hear. Building up your courage, and brushing aside a fear you might be wrong, you started across the way, pushing past ambassadors and rich bastards that you knew thought they were better than others on the Citadel. “Jeff...?!”

The figure visibly jumped, the light from his Omni-Tool dying away as he looked up. His olive eyes were widening by the second, and when they landed on you, a bright smile overtook his face. “Shep!”

“Jeff!” you called again, voice full of relief. You broke into a run, wrapping your arms around him in a hug that you were careful to be sure wasn't going to break his spine.

“Shep,” he breathed, the same relief in his own voice. His arms snaked around you in response to the hug. “I'm so glad I managed to catch you,” he muttered/

A strange chuckle made its way from your mouth, and, when you backed away, light tears were in your bright eyes once more. “I thought I'd never see you again!”

“You're telling me,” he replied, lips raised in a smirk. “You left without a word back on Arcturus. You know how many strings I had to pull to find you again?”

You raised an eyebrow, glad to be falling back into a familiar routine. “I think I'm more amused by the fact that you _have_ strings to pull.”

Jeff punched you lightly in the shoulder, grin never leaving his face. “Hey!”

Another laugh escaped you before you schooled your expression a bit. “The Alliance treating you well?”

“I could ask you the same question,” he replied, olive eyes sparkling. “Never thought that you'd join the Alliance.”

A shadow passed over your face for just a moment before it returned to normal. Unaware that Jeff had noticed, you responded in the cheeriest voice you could manage, “a few things changed. And it's not like I had a reason to stay on the Citadel.” You merely shrugged, trying to seem as nonchalant about the topic as possible.

“Oh, right. I had lunch reservations,” he muttered, trying to get away from that topic. “Let's walk and talk, hm?” After a confirming nod from you, he continued, “didn't you want to become a Biotics instructor?”

“Well, yeah. I wanted a reason to stay on Arcturus,” you admitted. “And I guess I _was_ pretty good with my Biotics back then.”

“Back then? Don't you still use them?”

“Nah. I took out my amp when I applied for the Alliance. They don't have any idea,” you answered with a bright smile and a shrug. “It wasn't a huge loss. I can always get a new amp if I decide that I want to use them again. I'm not really that torn up about it.”

Jeff chuckled, shaking his head. “So why change your mind, anyway? Couldn't you have still become an instructor and went to Arcturus?”

“Ah,” you hummed, scratching the back of your neck. “Well, I, uh, just assumed my reason for staying was annoyed with me. Besides, it's been so long.”

“Mad at you?” he questioned, turning his head to glance at your profile. Noticing your rapidly reddening cheeks and ears and the fact you refused to meet your gaze, he started in surprise. “W-wait a second, Shep!” He stopped walking, causing you to turn and give him a strange look. “ _I_ was your reason for staying on Arcturus?”

Your eyes widened, entire face flushing red as you turned back in the direction the two of you had been heading. “W-well, perhaps. Maybe we should, uh, go to lunch. You said that you had a reservation somewhere?”

Jeff coughed into his had, shifting for a moment in thought before nodding. “Uh, yeah. I think the place is just around the corner. He started forward again, the rest of the walk going by in awkward silence.

 

*****

 

Luckily, the two of you had made it just in time for Jeff's reservation. You were seated in the back, in a two person booth. No sound was made other than the occasional awkward cough and your ordering food from the kind waiter. Once the silence had become completely unbearable, Jeff shifted and looked up, his olive eyes studying the distant ones across the table.

“Hey, Shep?”

“Hm?” you hummed, breaking out of whatever reverie you had been lost in.

“All those years ago, you never gave me an answer.” He noticed you tense, fingers halting in their playing with your straw. “I wasn't planning on bringing it up, but what we were talking about earlier made me think about it. I guess now I know it was because you were leaving, but I'm curious; what would you have said?”

You didn't respond right away, fingers resuming their playing with the straw as your eyes narrowed in fierce concentration. It was a face Jeff definitely remembered. He felt his lips curl up a little at the fact you had only changed so much.

“So much time has passed,” you finally said, each word slow and deliberate. “I don't think I could be positive.”

Jeff merely nodded, humming in thought before saying, “what would you say now?”

“Huh?”

“If I said the same thing as back then, but now. What would you say?”

“I-I-.” Your eyes widened to the size of saucers, mouth opening and closing just as a fish's might. You hadn't expected this line of questioning, much less prepared for it.

The pilot eventually shrugged, taking a sip of his soda. He preferred the fresh stuff that came from Earth. This didn't taste like it was made with the same stuff. While he was curious about your answer, he didn't want to pressure you after he'd finally managed to find you again.

“Listen, you don't have to-”

“Would you ask?”

“Huh?” This time, Jeff looked up at you in surprise.

You shifted in the seat, a thoughtful look on your face despite the fact that you were unable to meet his gaze. While an absolute terror on the battlefield, it was the personal situations you could never get the handle of. “Would you ask again?” you repeated, still unable to tear your gaze away from the drink in front of you. Your cheeks felt like they were on fire; it was a feeling you hadn't felt in nearly fifteen years.

With a slight smile, Jeff chuckled to himself. He didn't really have to think about it, the answer was already in his head.

“Yeah, I would.”

With a nod, you finally looked up and locked gazes with him, eyes bright with fierce determination. “Even with all the new baggage?”

Jeff blinked a few times, considering the question. He knew what you were talking about of course; your service with the Alliance and, more importantly, Akuze. “Everyone has baggage,” he replied, trying to keep his voice calm. It was a rare occasion to see you so serious.

With a tilt of your head that reminded Jeff of the bird-like Turians, you finally said, “then I guess my answer would be the same as it would have been back then.”

“Didn't you just tell me you can't be positive?” he asked, the words slipping through before he could stop them.

You finally let a laugh escape, lifting the gloved hand to cover your mouth. “That might have been a _little_ white lie,” you admitted, smiling brightly at your companion.

Jeff felt the nervousness building in his chest, and his gulp was so loud he was sure you had heard it. “So...?”

“My answer back then would have been yes,” you answered, eyes locked onto his.

With a sigh of relief, Jeff let himself laugh. “Talk about building tension there, Shep.”

You chuckled. “You've barely changed.”

“I could say the same about you,” he responded, smiling. “Speaking about changing, what's been up with you?”

The waiter arriving with the food stalled your reply, and instead of talking about anything truly different, the both of you fell into your old routine of discussing everything under the sun.

 

*****

 

“You know,” you started admitting as the two you left the restaurant, “I don't think that I'll ever call you Joker.”

Jeff chuckled. Over lunch, he had mentioned how serious he was at flight school and how it'd earned him his nickname. “And why not?”

“I just can't imagine you being that serious all the time.” Looking around, you changed the subject by asking, “by the way. What are we gonna do now?”

The man frowned, scrunching up his face in thought. “I never actually thought that far ahead,” he admitted. After a pause, his eyes widened and he cursed, “shit!”

“Hm? Something wrong?” You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, one eyebrow raised.

“Speaking of not thinking ahead,” he muttered. “Know any good hotels?”

You merely laughed, shaking your head. “If you don't even have a hotel, what did you do with your stuff?”

“It's arriving tonight,” he replied, putting his face in his hands. “I didn't even think about it!”

“I don't think you'll find one on such short notice,” you said after a moment, a light smile on your face. “Not around here anyway. Maybe the duct rats will show you a section of ducts to sleep in,” you added with a smirk.

“Very funny, Shep,” Jeff groaned.

“I thought so.”

“I should stick to the jokes,” he replied, tossing a half-hearted glare your way.

“Well, if you're gonna be like that, I won't offer to let you stay at my apartment.”

Jeff froze, his hand moving back to his sides and both olive eyes studying you. “Your apartment?”

“What? Did you think that the building you were waiting out front of was a hotel?” you asked with a chuckle. “I _do_ live here, Jeff.” Grabbing his left hand with your ungloved right, you smiled and said, “c'mon. We can ask your stuff to be delivered there. As long as you don't mind my neighbors.”

“Your neighbors?” Jeff managed, letting you drag him through the pathways of the Citadel.

“Well, I _am_ the only Human in the building,” you explained. “There's five of us on my floor. I live at the end of the hall. On one side, there's Sara Berelli, he's a Turian that lives right next to me, and Hyli Ilna, an Asari. On the other side, a Volus named Botnar Hun lives closer to the elevator and a Drell by the name of Ikura Loes lives next to me. Ikura is really nice actually. She visits quite often, and I feel like she's an older sister or something.” You made a face. “I'm pretty sure she's an assassin, though.”

“An _assassin_. You live next to an _assassin_?”

“Possibly.” you shrugged, tossing a grin back to your old friend. “She's really helpful. Taught me a lot about the Citadel. And she can cook a mean Shepherd’s Pie. Anyway, apparently there's a Turian who lives on the top floor who _hates_ Humans, so I was the only one brave enough to live there. Ikura promised to make sure he wouldn't kill me,” you added with a chuckle.

“That doesn't really disprove the assassin theory,” Jeff interrupted.

“I guess not, but I guess the guy's a Spectre, so she wouldn't get away with killing him.”

“You live in the same building as a Spectre?”

“Yeah.” You made another face. “No one on my floor likes him. He's kind of an ass.” You shrugged again. “He's not really home that often, though. And I've never run into him, so it doesn't really bother me.”

Jeff eyed you, unrestrained curiosity flashing across his eyes. “Do you know which Spectre?”

“Never really bothered to learn his name,” you replied, voice cheery. “Ah, we're here.” You slowed your pace, allowing the door to open before leading Jeff through and toward the elevator. “I hope you don't mind my apartment,” you said after a moment, pressing the button to call the elevator. “It's a little bland.”

“It's better than sleeping in the ducts,” he said back.

“I don't know if that's a compliment or not.” You stepped inside the elevator, waiting for Jeff to do the same before hitting the '17' button to bring them to her floor. “I knew it,” you added dramatically, holding the gloved hand to your heart. “You're just using me for my apartment!”

Jeff laughed, tugging a little on the hand still laced with his. “And I'm sure I was just using you for that one bedroom apartment you and your parents lived in back on Arcturus, too.”

“I knew it! Oh my still beating heart!”

“Drama queen.”

You stuck your tongue out at him, eyes sparkling. When the doors opened, you led Joker through the hall. “See? Five rooms. Each one is a one bedroom apartment. Room 1705 is mine,” you added, pointing to the end of the hall. “Ikura lives to the left in 1703 and Sara lives to the right in 1704.”

As if on cue, the door to apartment 1703 opened and a young Drell stepping out. She locked the door behind her, starting at the sight of the duo walking down the hall. She was probably an inch or two shorter than you, light orange-red eyes studying the two of you with a curiosity only Shepard knew well enough to place. Her bright scales, white with tinges of sky blue, reflected the light. She wore a black leather jacket over a deep red t-shirt and matching black pants. The boots on her feet made no sound as she stepped towards them.

“Sibling!” Ikura finally called, her face breaking out into a smile as she hugged you with as much strength as she could manage.

“Iku... Ikura,” you gasped. “Need to... breathe!”

“Oh, right.” The Drell released you, her face still lit up by a smile. “So,” she started, wiggling her eyebrow ridges. “Who's your _friend_?” Ikura asked, her voice conveying as much suggestiveness as possible with a purr as she said 'friend'.

“Ikura!” you exclaimed, trying to ignore the rising heat in your face. “Did you _have_ to say it like _that_?!”

“What are sisters for?” she responded, laughing. Her laugh reminded the two of you of wind chimes in a gentle breeze.

You sighed, but the smile on your face betrayed the pseudo-exasperation. “This is Jeff Moreau. We grew up on Arcturus together before my parents moved me here.” You paused, eyes narrowing in thought before adding, “he's my boyfriend.” You winced slightly. Why were you getting so worked up over this? You are an adult, dammit!

Jeff held out a hand. “Nice to meet you. Shep was talking about how nice you were.”

“Oh? Do they talk as much about me as they talks about you, I wonder,” Ikura hummed, shaking his hand gently.

The pilot raised an eyebrow, turning to you in curiosity. Ikura seemed to know enough to not grip his hand too hard. And what was that about you talking about him?

“A-anyway,” you managed. “I need to contact the port and have his stuff for the visit sent to my apartment. See you later, Ikura!” You lightly tugged Jeff's hand, dragging him past the laughing Drell.

“Bye, bye, darling! Have a _great_ time!”

You felt your entire face flush even redder as you pushed Jeff into the apartment, groaning, “ _Ikura_!” as the door shut.

“Gosh,” you muttered, frowning. “I've never been so embarrassed in my _life_.” With a sigh, you turned around and headed further into the apartment. Jeff followed with a small amount of apprehension.

The first room he ended up in seemed to be a combination kitchen and living room. And you had definitely meant it when you had said it was bare. The kitchen was made up of white marble counter tops and dark down wooden cabinets. He was surprised by how _Human_ the design was for a building that housed only one. A silver fridge was nestled into the corner, separated from the stove by a small sliver of counter top that held a coffeemaker. Giving enough room to move comfortably, but still fitting snugly in the small apartment, was an island set up with two stools. A few empty packages of frozen foods were scattered about the kitchen.

“Sorry. I didn't have time to clean up,” you admitted, moving into the kitchen. You quickly shoved all of the dishes into the sink for later and tossed the empty packages into a trash can that was in the cabinet below the coffeemaker. “You can sit in the living room if you want. I can make some coffee.”

Jeff took one more look around the kitchen before nodding. “Alright. Do you have any creamer?”

“Vanilla,” you responded, not even checking the fridge as you pulled out some coffee grounds from above the coffeemaker. “I think I have those tiny sugar packets around her somewhere, too, if you prefer.”

“Nah. I'll take a little creamer.”

“Sure thing.”

Jeff turned to the side, his gaze resting on the living room. The couch was a small white loveseat, so clean that he had a sneaking suspicion you rarely sat on it. Two dark brown wooden end tables were on either side, an empty coffee mug on one of them. A matching coffee table was nestled between the loveseat and the television, a stack of – likely unused based on the condition – coasters and a black glove for a right hand resting on it. Slipping off his jacket, he walked in and sat on the right side of the loveseat, a voice in the back of his mind asking if he should take his shoes off. With no answer, Jeff instead set to slipping off the leg braces so he could be more comfortable.

“Here you go,” you said as he got the braces off and set to them to the side. “Here's the creamer, too. I didn't know how much you wanted,” you admitted, setting the bottle of creamer and a spoon next to his mug. You walked around the loveseat, sitting on the other side with a sigh of contentment.

“What's that?” he asked, pouring some creamer into his coffee mug.

“Hm?” you hummed, pausing as you opened a small package. “Ah. Hot chocolate mix. I don't like coffee, but I _do_ like the caffeine. So I put chocolate in it.”

Jeff chuckled. While he initially thought it was strange, it was definitely _you_. It sounded like something you would do. Which, now that he thought about it, made sense considering you _were_ doing it.

You hummed happily to yourself, setting the empty package on the end table before taking a sip of your chocolate coffee. “Mm.”

“The great Commander Shepard, owner of the Star of Terra, can't even drink _normal coffee._ ” Jeff shook his head, trying to seem as disappointed as possible.

“I heard that this great pilot named Joker broke his arm after offending his trained N7 partner."

“Ow, my fragile heart.”

The two of you laughed for a moment, reveling in the moment of calmness.

“Oh right,” you cut her laughter short. “I'll need to call someone at the docks to get your stuff sent here.” You tapped her chin thoughtfully, humming to herself. “Oh! I think I know someone who's working tonight!” Your Omni-Tool lit up as Jeff watched, unrestrained curiosity flashing across his eyes. “Just let me do this,” you mumbled, tapping a few buttons.

The television screen before him flickered to life, a ring tone sounding throughout the apartment. After three rings, light flooded the screen, taking a moment to calibrate before showing the face of a deep blue – nearly purple – Asari. Her emerald eyes studied the duo curiously before she smoothed out her dock uniform and smiled.

 _“Hey there, Comm,”_ she said. _“Not often you call me during work.”_

“Sorry about that, Hyli. I don't mean to bother you.”

_“No problem, Comm. I'm on a break. Who's the sweetie over there?”_

You chuckled at Jeff's eyebrow raise. “This is my boyfriend. He's a pilot for the Alliance.”

“My name's Joker,” he said, nodding. He was still confused over why you were calling her neighbor – if memory served correctly, Hyli Ilna, the Asari who lived next to the Turian, Sara.

 _“Nice to meet ya, Joker.”_ Her gaze turned back to you. _“So, what d'you need, Comm?”_

You tilted her head to the side. “ _Joker_ has some stuff arriving later today. It won't have a destination, but it will be for a Jeff Moreau. Do you think you could have it sent here? I'll pay for the transfer on arrival.”

 _“Sure thing, Comm. Anything for a friend.”_ Hyli glanced off to the side. _“Well, time to get back to work. I'll send in the order first thing, though.”_

“I owe you one, Hyli.”

 _“No problem. Think of this as finally paying you back for that time you caught that loose Space Hamster in my apartment.”_ The Asari laughed, a light bubbling noise that was surprisingly infectious. _“Anywho, talk to ya later, alright, Comm?”_ Hyli waved before the screen went dark.

“Comm?” Jeff questioned the moment Hylia vanished.

You chuckled, closing you Omni-Tool and leaning back. “When we first met, I introduced myself as Private Shepard since I'd just joined the Alliance. Back then, she called me Priv since she thought it sounded cooler. The nickname just changed with the rank, I guess. Priv, Serge, Lieu, and eventually Comm. She said she wants to call me Miral one day.” You shrugged, grinning before taking another sip of the lukewarm chocolate coffee.

“By the way, I can't let you pay for my stuff.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Hm? I have no idea what you're talking about. Besides, we could just as easily go and pick it up for a much lower cost,” you admitted. “But I just got on vacation, so I'm still tired.”

“Speaking of,” Jeff said, his voice becoming quieter. “Why are you still wearing that jacket and glove? You _are_ home, aren't you?”

Your happiness seemed to drain, all of your muscles simultaneously tensing. You set the coffee mug back on the table, shaking ever so slightly. Your eyes had widened and the rest of your body shook, emotions flashing across the rapidly dulling orbs at an intense pace.

“Shep?”

You seemed to snap out of it somewhat, though you were still tense. “They're always on,” you muttered, grabbing the mug and walking back into the kitchen.

Jeff raised an eyebrow, but his own happy demeanor faded as his eyes narrowed. “Shep.” He stood, bringing his own mug for a reason to follow you. “What's wrong?”

Without a sound, you put both mugs in the sink, staring at them. An old memory popped into the pilot's mind.

_“Commander Shepard was retrieved, barely breathing and covered in acid burns.”_

Acid burns. The large sweatshirt and the glove. Damn. How bad was it now?! Jeff eyed you with curiosity and worry. After a great inner debate, he finally asked, “is this about Akuze?”

The change in the room was immediate. One probably wouldn't even have been able to cut the tension in the room with your Omni-Blade. Your eyes widened for a moment before you called out in pain, falling to the floor in a crouch. Tears started to stream from your eyes as the memories began to return. Your body started to shake uncontrollably, sobs emanating from you.

“N-no!”

Jeff just stared at you. Sure, you had obviously been thinking about whatever scars were left, but all he'd done was mention the _planet._ “Shepard!” He leaned forward, placing a hand on you shoulder, but was only rewarded with a scream as you flung herself to the side to get away from him.

 _“Even with all the new baggage?”_ you had asked.

Damn! How was he supposed to know that _this_ was what you meant?! Not that he was having second thoughts; it was more of a problem that he didn't know what to do to _help_ you. Even when they were kids, you had always been the strong one. You protected him and rarely cried in front of anyone, let alone him.

 

_*****_

 

_“Huh?” Jeff Moreau checked behind another door in the large school. Where was that crying coming from? “Hello? Anyone there?” The small six year old opened the last door in the hallway, finding the source of his confusion._

_An older kid he recognized from the school and rumors was kneeling in the middle of the supply closet, hands covering their face and doing nothing to stem the flow of tears. You were wearing baby blue dress clothes, things that were surprisingly formal given you age. Your long hair had been curled, just like it was every morning, and tied back with a large white ribbon. Jeff knew of you, though not personally. You were always proper, leading some to call her 'The Noble of Arcturus', a title everyone assumed you liked. The seven year old greeted everyone with a smile, words often reaching that of an adult instead of the child you were. With a gasp at realizing someone was there, the hands peeled away and shimmering eyes looked up at Jeff._

_“A-ah, h-hey,” he managed._

_“O-oh! I am so sorry,” you called out, flustered. “I must have been louder than I thought. I didn't mean to disturb you.”_

_You had been sitting here crying and your major concern was bothering him?_

_“Why're you crying?” he asked, closing the door behind him as he maneuvered into a sitting position in front of you. His legs were starting to get sore from all the walking, and he_ really _needed new braces._

_“They made fun of me again,” you muttered, trying to wipe the tears off of your face. “Said I was too proper.”_

_“That wasn't very nice,” Jeff agreed, nodding. “Don't you have any friends to talk to?”_

_You merely shook your head. “No. Momma said that people leave, so you should be careful about trusting anyone.”_

_He shook his head. “Uh-uh. That's no good. Everyone needs at least one friend.” He frowned, thinking hard. “I know! Kids make fun of you 'cause you're proper, and they make fun of me 'cause of my legs! Let's become friends!”_

_“H-huh?” You looked up at him with a sniffle, and tilted your head to the side, reminding Jeff of a bird vid he'd watched in one of his classes earlier that day._

_“I don't have any friends either,” he admitted, nodding once more. “So let's start here!” One of his small hands lifted, reaching toward you. “My name is Jeff.”_

_You reached out a bit shakily, lightly gripping his hand and shaking it. “Shepard.”_

_“Shepard? Isn't that just your last name?”_

_“That's what momma said to introduce myself as.”_

_“Then I'll call you Shep!”_

_The next day, you were outside his house in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. You were smiling brightly, eyes sparkling._

_“Jeff!”_

_The boy had started, looking up in surprise at his parents, who looked just as confused. After a moment, he adjusted his braces, grabbed a sweatshirt and practically ran outside. His parents were smiling at him the whole time._

_“Shep!”_

_You smiled, laughing when you saw him rushing down the walk. “Don't go too fast. I don't wanna see you get hurt,” you called, waving._

_“What are you doing here?”_

_“Well, I've never had a friend before, so I thought we could hang out.” You lifted one of your legs, tapping the tip of your sneaker to the sidewalk. “Sorry. Did I do something wrong?”_

_“Not at all! Let's go to the park,” he called back cheerfully._

_That was how your days went by. You would go meet Jeff to hang out. If anyone tried to verbally or even physically hurt him, you were there. Always there and always protecting him._

 

*****

 

Jeff shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Now was _not_ the time to be reminiscing about the past! He had to help you.

His gaze shot back you, knees were pulled up to your chest as you shook back and forth. You kept muttering 'stop' and 'no' under your breath, sobs breaking up the mantra.

“Shep.”

You called out, as if in pain.

“ _Shep_.”

Jeff was about to try to grab you again when the door to the apartment opened. A particularly tall Turian walked in, his silver eyes scanning the apartment before resting on the sobbing alliance officer in the fetal position on the floor. His light brown plates stuck out against the white colony markings and the black armor he was wearing, a blue C-Sec symbol sticking out on his chest.

“Who are you?” he asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“J-Jeff Moreau,” he responded before a thought occurred to him. “Wait. Who the hell are you and what are you doing in Shep's apartment?”

“Ah,” the Turian hummed, “you are a friend of the Commander's.” He nodded, pleased with finding that out before reaching into a compartment on the leg of his armor and pulling out a syringe.

“What are you doing?!” Jeff snapped, trying to stand up to get between this stranger and you.

“My name is Sara,” he responded, calm yet exasperated. “I live next door. This is a tranquilizer the Commander gave me and miss Loes in case she became like this. We can hear them scream from our rooms,” the man explained. “If you would allow me to pass, please?”

Loes. That would be Ikura, your Drell friend. But based on what Sara was saying, this happened often enough that those two had to get involved. How much were you really hurting?

 

*****

 

Jeff yawned, stretching his sore back. You were still sleeping soundly in the bed. If he wasn't so worried about you waking up and accidentally breaking one of his bones at the shock of him being in your bed, he would've slept next to you. As it were, Jeff slept in a cushy armchair next to a bookshelf of datapads where he could see your sleeping form. After tranquilizing you, Sara had carried your limp body to bed, told Jeff to keep an eye on you, then left for work. As if Jeff was going to leave you there alone.

When he was sure you were asleep, Jeff had set to making you more comfortable. Something he was feeling a little bad about now. He'd taken off your N7 sweatshirt and the glove. On your left side, acid scars covered your arm and shoulder. The scars were very apparent on the back of your hand, probably the reason you wore the glove. Jeff shuddered whenever he thought about what the scars might look like under the tank-top. Just thinking about how scarred you were from that one event was painful. He wanted to make you happy, fix the pain; just like you had done for him when yo u were kids. It pissed him off that he couldn't.

A quick intake of breath brought the pilot's attention to the bed. You sat up, eyes wide as they scanned the room. After resting on him for a few moments longer than necessary, you took in your own state of dress, seeming simultaneously relieved and anxious.

“I'm sorry,” came your soft voice.

Jeff started. The hell were you apologizing for? “What for?” he replied, staring back at you.

You sighed, sounding oddly defeated. “I should have explained more.” You pulled your knees to your chest. The fact you didn't seem obligated the hide the scars anymore helped Jeff relax a little. “I should have told you about what sometimes happens. And the scars.” You winced. “Well, you probably guessed about the scars, but the day terrors. That's what Ikura calls them. I can control them fine when I'm working, but it's harder when I don't have something like that to focus on. I'm sorry,” you repeated.

The pilot sighed. That's what you were upset about? Managing to get his stiff legs to hold him up, he moved over to sit on the edge of the bed. “I'm not angry, Shep. If anything, I was just annoyed that I didn't know what to do for you. I was worried for you.” A light smile adorned his face. “I'm just happy you're okay.”

You turned to him, eyes flitting over his expression before the edges of your lips quirked up. “What time is it?”

Jeff turned, checking out the clock next to the bed. “0400.”

“Hm,” you hummed. “Did you sleep in the chair?” you asked after a moment, the thought occurring to you rather suddenly. His lack of response was answer enough, earning a small sigh from you. “You're too good for me, you know that?” Before he had the chance to respond, you shifted over a little, moving the blanket. “C'mon. We can get a few more hours of sleep.”

After eying you for a few moments, making sure that you were absolutely sure, Jeff climbed into the bed next to you. He laid down, pulling the blanket up to the both of you as you laid back down next to him. Your eyes flitted over his face once more, a soft smile on your lips.

“Thanks, Jeff,” you said under your breath, placing a kiss on his cheek before burrowing into his chest.

Jeff felt a loving smile adorn his own face as he wrapped his own arms around you. He definitely wasn't going to leave anytime soon.

 

*****

 

And that was how your leaves often went. Jeff would take time off and visit you on the Citadel, or you would take time off to visit him on Arcturus. More often, it would be the latter since it was easier for him to visit you even if he was just working on his flying. The year was 2183, and all Jeff could talk about was a new ship they were planning on taking through the testing course. A Turian and Human collaborative project known as the 'Normandy'.

“Uh-huh,” you hummed, stretching your neck and checking the time from the corner of your eye. Still a few more minutes before you had to leave for Jeff's reservation he refused to elaborate on.

“And they say that Captain Anderson will be there. He'll be taking over the ship if it passes,” Jeff continued on. “That bastard Invectus is going to be there, too.” He huffed. “Just wait. I'll prove to him that a cripple is better than any other pilots.” His gaze turned to you. “I'm boring you again, aren't I?”

You started at realizing he'd caught you. “N-not at all! You sound excited. It's been a long time since you've been so openly excited about anything.”

Jeff nodded, aware of the fact you were just trying to make him feel better. “C'mon. We should get going.” He reached into his bag, digging around for something.

“Alright,” you responded, standing and stretching you back. You paused when you realized he was holding something out to you. “Jeff. Is that a blindfold?”

“It's supposed to a surprise,” he muttered, a light pink dusting over his cheeks.

You let him blindfold and lead you, frowning. Why the hell was he blushing? He _never_ blushed. Sure, you'd seen him flushed, but that was a whole different story. At one point, you realized he'd led you in a small circle so you wouldn't be able to trace where you were going. And it worked. Bastard.

“Almost there,” you heard him whisper in your ear. A shiver went through you. Where the hell were they going?

“Seriously, Jeff? Mind telling me what all the secrecy is about?” you asked, hearing your voice echo. You were in a hallway?

“You'll see in a minute,” he answered, chuckling. You could hear a door slide open. “Alright. Go ahead and take your blindfold off.”

You did just that, slipping off the damned piece of fabric that kept you from knowing where they had been going. The room before you was small, little more than a closet. A table was set up with a red tablecloth, a candle, and a few dinner trays. But the room was familiar... A switch flipped in your head.

“Jeff! This is where we first met!”

The pilot chuckled. “Yup.” He grabbed your elbow and pulled your chair out for you before shutting the door. “I got them to let me use the room since there are no classes today,” he explained, taking the seat across from you.

You frowned. “You shouldn't push yourself, Jeff. Your legs must be killing you.”

“Nah. I'll be fine.” He smirked, grabbing the covers to the trays. “Can't say I cooked the food, though,” he added, clearly trying to change the subject. “Had to order that.”

Raising an eyebrow, you looked down at the meal. Simple cheeseburger and fries. A happy laugh escaped your lips. “This is what we ate when your parents brought us out to eat shortly after we met.”

“Surprised you remember,” Jeff admitted, chuckling. “I thought it was fitting.”

“Thinking back to all our firsts?” you asked, a small smirk working its way onto your face.

The pilot just shook his head. “Maybe a little.” He started fidgeting, gesturing to the food to try and hide it. “Why don't we eat?” he suggested, grabbing the horseradish to put on his burger.

You nodded slowly, eying him with curiosity. It was clear he was nervous about something, but what? The two of you had been on plenty of dates, and been alone in your rooms more than enough. What was different about tonight?

Jeff glanced up, noticing the look in your eyes. “Hm? Something wrong?”

Your eyes narrowed in response. “Shouldn't I be asking you that? Your more nervous than a Salarian in a room full of Krogan.”

“A-ah...” Jeff managed a nervous laugh, putting down his food and rubbing the back of his neck. “I was hoping you wouldn't notice.”

“What's wrong?”

The pilot took a deep breath, reaching under his chair to grab something. “Well, we've been dating for a little over a year now, and I figured that if you said yes, it would be the perfect birthday present. Otherwise, I had time to get you a different one.”

“Why are you rambling?”

Jeff jumped, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry.” He took another breath, easing out of his chair and using the table to get down onto one knee. Despite your rapidly widening eyes and breath quickening, he managed to get into position and hold out the box he'd grabbed from under his chair. “Shep, I know that we've only been dating a year, but I've known you since we were little. I think I've always loved you, and I honestly can't imagine being with anyone else. I want to be with you, now and forever.” He was barely able to keep eye contact with you as he struggled to open the black velvet box and reveal the golden band with a small diamond. “So, uh, what I'm trying to say is, um...” he trailed off, face bright red. “Will you marry me, Shep?”

You just stared at him, thoughts going through your head a million miles a minute. The blushing from earlier, the dinner – it was all in preparation for this. He was _proposing_. To _you_. The Commander everyone said that was oblivious to romance. Which was probably true considering you hadn't figured anything out.

“Shep? Are you going to leave me hanging?” he asked, voice small and eyes widened in a little bit of fear and worry.

A happy sob escaped your lips. “Do you really think I'd say no to you, you idiot?” you mumbled, practically falling out of your chair to pull him into a hug. “I'd love to Jeff. _Love_ to!”

Jeff managed a relieved laugh, pushing you away long enough to slide the ring onto your left hand's ring finger, over the glove. “God, you have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” He lifted his hands to your face and kissed you. “Happy birthday, Shep.”

 

*****

 

You yawned loudly, slipping on your N7 sweatshirt and left glove, smiling at the ring before slipping that on too. Jeff wasn't in bed when you woke up, which was pretty strange in itself. He tended to watch you while you slept and wait for you to wake up. Said he liked to enjoy the little things. This was probably the first time you had woken up with him not in the immediate vicinity. It was strange to say the least.

“Jeff?” you called out, checking the bathroom connected to the bedroom. No luck. “Jeff?” you tried again, moving into the living room and kitchen combo. “Jeff...? Where the hell are you?” The only difference in the rooms from the morning was a small datapad left on the kitchen counter.

_Hey, Shep. I need you to not worry about what I'm doing. Just sit back and relax. ~ Jeff_

“The hell?” Your Omni-Tool went off before you had a chance to think about where the hell he'd gone. “Hello?”

_“Commander Shepard?”_

You saluted without wasting a moment. “Captain Anderson. To what do I owe this pleasure during my break?”

_“I heard you were taking time off on Arcturus Station. I was wondering if you would come by and join me for the testing of the Normandy.”_

You tilted her head to the side. “Why me?”

_“You know you're one of the choices for my XO, Commander. Regardless, I've seen how well you get along with other races. General Invectus will be here as a Turian representative. I'd like you're expertise on this matter.”_

You blinked a few times before giving a sigh of realization. Anderson had been on the Citadel one day and nearly got in a fight with a Salarian. You had diffused it by explaining that the gesture the Salarian had made as one of respect. The Captain was one of the few who knew of your 'expertise' on Alien cultures. He hadn't minded keeping it a secret, either. “When would you need me?”

_“The sooner the better. The General will be being dropped off in half and hour. Docking bay A3, Commander.”_

“Fine, but you owe me one, Anderson.”

 _“Noted, Shepard,”_ the Captain replied with a chuckle, ending the call.

You wasted no time in getting dressed and making your way towards the Normandy's docking bay. Something deep within you said that Jeff was going to be so upset about you getting to see the Normandy when he'd been talking about how great the ship was for weeks. A small flicker of pride also opened in your chest at Captain Anderson realizing your own talents and using them. You ended up meeting Anderson and Captain Dillard just outside the control room, where General Invectus was waiting.

“You're later than expected,” the Turian growled.

The three soldiers stood at attention and saluted. Only you broke the salute at the General's slight nod and mandible twitch. He stared at you, narrowing his eyes.

“You are aware of Turian culture. Strange for a Human,” he murmured. Glancing to your sides, he added, “you can stop saluting me. Hurry over here. The ship is preparing to leave the dock.”

You and your two companions made your way over to him, Invectus maneuvering it so you were next to him. He made you introduce yourself, full name and rank, before nodding and getting ready for the test. As the ship left its dock, an immediate alarm began going off.

“What's that?” you growled, leaning forward as your eyes scanned the terminal before you.

_“This is the SSV Normandy! We've been hijacked! The pilot's locked himself in the cockpit and sealed the kinetic barriers!”_

“The ship is staying to its original course,” you called, hands tightening on the terminal as you eyed the course outline.

“A malfunction?” Anderson questioned, the veins in his neck starting to become apparent.

“Not likely,” Dillard said with a sigh. “The pilot can override the locks from the inside.”

Anderson nodded, thinking. “Maybe we can reason with him. What's his name, Dillard?”

“Crooks, Captain,” spoke a voice from the entrance. “Only problem is that I got locked up somewhere and I'm not the one flying her.”

A low growl erupted from Dillard as he turned back to the Terminal. “Normandy pilot, this is control. I know you can hear me. You have about ten seconds to turn my ship around and return to base before I put the dogs on you.” After getting no response, Dillard sighed and turned to one of the other marines in the control center. “Call in the nearest patrol. If they can't force a landing, tell them to target the Normandy's engines.”

_“Roger that, control. Rover Squad is on it. We'll clip her wings for you.”_

Anderson grabbed Dillard's arm. “Fire on the Normandy? What the hell are you thinking?”

“Until we know what the situation is,” the other Captain shot back, “we have to assume the worst. We can't let the enemy have her.”

 _“And as a kid I bet you broke your own toys to keep anyone else from playing with them, right?”_ You froze. No... It couldn't be. _“Relax – your baby's in good hands. I've read the manifest and memorized your obstacle course. I'll drop her off when we're done...”_ It was _Jeff_. Your fiance had _stolen_ the most expensive and technologically advanced war frigate in the whole damned universe! _“I'll even have her home before curfew!”_

Everyone in control was dead silent.

_“Control, this is Rover One. We have a lock on the Normandy, please advise.”_

“Copy that,” Dillard replied, voice rough and tense. “Bring him down in one piece and we'll take care of it from there.”

_“Roger.”_

You clenched your teeth. Dammit! What the hell was Jeff thinking?

_“You guys are killing my run time, you know that?”_

“He's evading everything they're throwing at him,” you managed, your voice sounding neutral despite the torrent of emotions raging through you. The general still shot you a glance.

“Who are we talking to up there?” Anderson asked, finally taking the initiative.

 _“Lieutenant First Class Jeff Moreau, sir. I just-”_ a pause _“-oh come on! You guys call that flying?!”_

Dillard took deep, ragged breaths, the sweat already pooling on his brow. He turned to Invectus. “This wasn't-,” he shook his head. “We have this under control.”

“Obviously,” Invectus replied. You glanced at him. His subharmonics suggested amusement. He was _amused_ at the situation?!

When the Normandy finally docked, you followed behind the team as they went to meet the man who had stolen the ship.

“You guys saw that right?” you heard Jeff's voice down the hall. “They said she was fast, but, man. Wow. I think I'm in love.”

You raised an eyebrow as you narrowed your eyes, earning an amused glance from Invectus.

Anderson merely frowned. “You'll have to write your love letters from prison, Lieutenant.”

You immediately tensed, eyes widening in fear. The General gave you another look, tapping his chin in a very Human-like manner. He seemed to be doing so because you were watching him from the corner of your eyes, which just confused you more.

“What the _hell_ were you thinking?” the Captain continued.

“With respect, sir, what do I look like to you?” he asked, clearly unaware of you just a few feet away. “On paper, I'm the most qualified pilot on this station. Top of the class. But as soon as I stagger in on crutches, that paper goes right in the trash. I was _born_ to fly that ship, and the only way I'd even get the _chance_ to prove that was to steal it.”

“Tell it to the court martial judge,” Dillard practically snarled.

You took in a sharp intake of breath. To your side, Invectus glanced at you briefly before nodding, moving forward.

“You're going away so long, your own parents won't remember you.”

“Wait,” the General spoke up, pushing Dillard to the side. He pulled you with him, Jeff's mouth gaping open when he saw you. “This man can barely walk and he just ran circles around your security protocols.”

“He exploited some cracks in the system. Cracks that'll be sealed, I promise you, General,” Anderson assured.

“That's not what I'm saying. His plan was audacious. He adjusted to unexpected conditions and kept his cool under fire. _And_ he beat your trials with time to spare.” Invectus narrowed his eyes at the Captains. “He is _exactly_ the kind of man you want for this job. And for the benefit of continued Human-Turian relations, I strongly suggest you give it to him.”

You and Jeff both eyed the General with complete surprise. You could hear the pride in the Turian's subharmonics. Pride for your fiance who had stolen a warship and proved he _was_ the best pilot they could have chosen.

Dillard took a step forward. “We can't just-”

“The General's right,” Anderson interrupted, rubbing his chin. “It was unorthodox, and he'll have to be punished for what he's done... but right now I wouldn't trust the Normandy to anyone else.”

“W-wait!” Jeff stood up a little taller, blinking his olive green eyes a few times in confusion. “Are you telling me this actually _worked_?!”

Invectus chuckled, earning him a surprised glance from everyone but you. “It seems it did. I do have one more request, Captain Anderson.”

“What is it, General?”

“This human. They are a Commander in your Alliance, a high enough rank to serve as an executive officer aboard this ship. I wish for them to do so. Someone who can understand Turian subharmonics is an interesting Human, not to mention a great asset,” Invectus informed them.

Anderson suppressed a chuckle. “Sure thing, General.”

Invectus nodded to them before turning to you and holding out his arm. “A pleasure, Commander.”

You nodded a light nod before grasping his wrist. “The pleasure was all mine, sir.”

With his mandibles fluttering in a grin, Invectus gestured for the Captains to follow him before walking off. Dillard did so with a loud huff. Anderson gave Jeff a 'later' look in regards to the punishment before following. The marines holding Jeff released him and soon followed. The hallway was dead silent.

“You took the _Normandy_?!” you hissed angrily, breaking the silence. “What the hell were you _thinking_?!”

Jeff shrugged. “I wanted to fly her.” After a moment he lifted his head, olive green eyes fierce as he walked up to you. “Shep. Let's go sign a marriage certificate.”

“W-what?” you gasped, shocked out of your anger.

“We're going to be serving on the same ship soon,” he said, grasping both of your hands and rubbing a thumb along the engagement ring. “And I don't want anyone questioning that you're mine.”

You rolled your eyes, but felt a small, fond smile working its way over your face. “No one would even dare, Moreau. Not it they didn't want a new facial, courtesy of yours truly.”

And so, the day before the Normandy was set to pick up the rest of her crew, you and Jeff signed the marriage certificate and exchanged rings. Flight Lieutenant Moreau and Commander Shepard-Moreau. One of the strangest couples the galaxy would likely have the pleasure of meeting. The pilot and XO of the strongest ship in the Alliance fleet.

 


	2. Eden Prime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm overwhelmed while packing for leaving college... So I'm rewriting as a coping method.
> 
> As always, please point out any mistakes! I really appreciate it!
> 
> On a side, note, I probably won't be doing a lot for ME1, so don't expect a lot.

Hey, check out my [Tumblr](https://princesscipherite.tumblr.com/)!

And, if you like my writing, consider [buying me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A173WK5)!

“And we're docked. Let's pick up that crew and get a move on, huh? I want put this girl through her paces.”

“We don't need any scratches on the Normandy, Joker,” Anderson informed him with a sigh.

Jeff gave an indignant scoff. “I would not scratch my baby!”

You raised an eyebrow. “What's this I hear about your baby? Something I should know, Moreau?”

The pilot jumped, turning his chair around. “Shep!”

Anderson chuckled. “Meet me near C-Sec Academy when you're ready, Commander. We're picking up the new crew there.”

“Sure thing, Captain,” you replied, saluting him as he headed into the airlock. Once the doors shut, you turned back to Jeff. “You know, I do recall you saying that you thought you were in love with this ship. Don't tell me I'm competing for my husband's affections with a ship.”

Jeff laughed, shaking his head. “She may be a beautiful piece of work, but I see something much better.”

“Flatterer,” you replied, eyes sparkling. “I've got to head out, Jeff. I hear I'm getting a Biotic as one of my squad mates.”

“A Biotic?”

“L2,” you elaborated. After a pause, you added, “do you think I should ask Chakwas to put an amp in before we reach Eden Prime? I know the Alliance doesn't know about my Biotics, but they might be helpful.”

Jeff frowned, tapping his chin in thought. “Do you miss using them?”

“A bit.”

“Then you should. It's always better to have another set of defense,” Jeff said. “I'll see you when you get back.” He turned back to his terminal.

“See you later, Jeff.” A light smile adorned your face. He'd said 'another set of defense'. Even if he wasn't willing to admit it, he was always worrying for you.

 

*****

 

“Commander! There you are!”

You walked up to Captain Anderson, eying the two men next to him. They looked intimidated. “We're all early,” you said, trying to give the two what you hoped was a reassuring grin.

One of them seemed to relax, smiling and saluting you. “My name is Staff Lieutenant Alenko. Kaidan Alenko.”

“He's the Biotic I mentioned, Commander,” Anderson cut in.

“I'm Corporal Jenkins.”

You nodded. “Nice to meet you two.”

“You're Commander Shepard, right?”

You nodded back at Jenkins, not bothering to correct the fact that your last name was hyphenated now. “That's right. I'm the executive officer of the Normandy and I'll be leading you two ground-side.”

Jenkins and Alenko saluted.

“Proud to be led by you,” Alenko replied, his eyes scanning over you. “It's a real honor.”

You raised an eyebrow, merely opting to watch as Anderson shooed the two away towards the ship. You knew that while he did want them to hurry, he also knew of your relationship to Jeff. He wasn't one to tell others about anything, simply deciding that if you and Jeff wanted anyone to know you'd tell them, but he was willing to keep away any potential awkward situations.

“Shepard, there's something else. The Council is funding our first mission, so they're sending a Spectre.”

“A Spectre? Why the hell would a Spectre be coming with us?” You leaned against the elevator tube, frowning. “This seems strange.”

“I know. I feel the same, but we have to accept it.” The Captain sighed before perking up. “Oh, yes. Invectus asked for your mail so he could send you messages.”

“The General that called Jeff a cripple?”

“And let him pilot the Normandy,” Anderson added.

“I don't have a problem with it. I'd love another chance to learn more about the Turians. Besides, Invectus seems like a nice Turian.” You grinned at him before getting back to the task at hand. “When does this Spectre join us? We need to get going soon to stay on schedule.”

“He should be arriving any minute now, Commander. We'll join him on the way to the ship.”

“Which Spectre?” you questioned, glancing around.

“Nihlus Kryik. He's a Turian, and highly decorated for his work with the Spectres,” Anderson informed you, not missing a beat.

 

“A Turian, huh? Most Turians don't get along well with Humans, and the same is true vice-versa. I guess I just assumed that the Council would send an Asari Spectre or something.”

A low cough alerted the two of you to someone nearby. “Sorry to disappoint, Commander.”

You turned to the owner of the voice, Anderson saluting. A brown plated Turian stood before you. His head was titled a little to the left, mandibles widened in clear interest. His dark armor stood out against the light plates as he eyed them. You didn't bother to salute, raising an eyebrow and holding out a hand instead.

“Shepard,” Anderson hissed, not noticing what you had. Nihlus' feet were parallel to each other, instead of his heels facing inward. It was a small signal, but one that conveyed a relaxed atmosphere.

Nihlus ignored the Captain. “I see you understand Turian signals,” he said, mandibles fluttering in a smile. “A pleasure then, to meet a Human who is willing to learn of the other races before judging them.” A single talon reached out toward you.

“The pleasure is all mine, sir,” you responded, grasping his wrist to return the gesture. “This will be my first time working with a Spectre,” you admitted, noticing another Turian some ways away eying the trio. He was in C-Sec armor. “I look forward to it.”

“As do I,” Nihlus agreed with a nod, removing his claw. “I shall accompany the Captain back to the ship. He mentioned you had a quick errand to run?”

“Yes. I have an apartment here and I need to get some supplies. I wasn't supposed to be joining the Normandy so soon, so I didn't have anything with me.”

Nihlus nodded in understanding. “Than I shall see you aboard the Normandy, Commander.”

You nodded a good-bye to the Spectre before waving to the Captain. As you turned to head to your apartment, you noticed the Turian from before – a light gray plated Turian with sea blue colony markings and sky blue eyes in the familiar blue C-Sec armor – staring at you slack-jawed. Apparently he had noticed the exchange and your knowledge of Turian culture. You merely nodded a greeting before continuing on your way, glad you were walking in the opposite direction so he couldn't see your grin.

 

*****

 

You stretched your neck, feeling a twinge of pain from the amp that had just been installed a few hours prior. A quick glance to the side had you realizing that Alenko was casting a glance your way. His gaze was settled on you before realizing you had noticed and averting his eyes. Jenkins was checking their surroundings, keeping his gaze to the hills surrounding them.

“Commander? Are you alright?”

You nodded, stretching your neck once more before focusing back on task at hand. Eden Prime was being attacked. Your 'new friend' Nihlus had gone to a drop point much closer to the colony. That left your small squad to make the trek on foot and look for survivors.

“I don't mean to pry, but you were in the Med Bay for awhile before we got here. And now you're stretching your neck a lot like you're in pain,” Alenko rambled, rubbing the back of his own neck. “You're acting like you've just had an amp checked or upgraded, but the Captain said you weren't a Biotic.”

You frowned, motioning to start moving forward. “Just because the Alliance thinks I'm not a Biotic, doesn't mean I'm not,” you replied, a little annoyed that the L2 had noticed.

The Staff Lieutenant paused in his steps for just a moment. “You're a Biotic?!” he gasped out, before adding as an afterthought, “Commander.”

“Perhaps,” you replied, not really wanting to get into details.

 _“You guys should focus ahead of you,”_ Jeff cut in. _“We don't know how far out the attackers are spread.”_

You felt your lips curl into a smile at the perfect timing of your husband. “Fair enough, _Flight Lieutenant_.” You ignored the glances of interest at your stressing of Jeff's title. “C'mon you two,” you continued, “the faster we move, the better.”

“Right!” both men called out, following behind you.

They continued on in silence until one fateful moment.

“Jenkins!” you called out, voice filled with grief. “Dammit!” You body lit up as a strange, greenish-blue glow as you pulled the drones out of the air and smashed them against the hillside. As you did that, Alenko ran forward to check over the corporal.

 _“Commander!”_ Jeff sounded frantic. _“What the hell is going on down there?”_

“He's dead,” you said under your breath. “Dammit! I told him to make sure his shields were active whenever we went planet-side,” you muttered, clenching your fists.

“Commander,” Alenko started, still kneeling down next to Jenkins.

“We'll make sure he gets a proper burial. Right now we need to catch up to Nihlus,” your voice was quiet as you grabbed the gun on your belt and started moving. “Son of a bitch,” you growled, not caring - or maybe just forgetting - that Kaidan and Jeff were listening. “What makes them think I'd make a good Spectre? I can't even keep my own squad alive.”

_“Spectre?”_

You froze at the sound of your husband's voice in your ear. Shit. You hadn't told him about the candidacy since you had to drop planet-side right after you'd found out.

“What was that, Commander?” Aleno asked, clearly glad for something else to think about.

“Nothing,” you responded, curt as ever. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

 _“You said something about them thinking you'd be a good Spectre. Shepard..?”_ Jeff sounded vaguely concerned, no doubt about the idea of you being put into such a dangerous position.

You silenced your Comm to groan as loudly as possible before turning it back on and sighing. “Nihlus came with us for that reason. He didn't come because the Council funded this mission. Apparently, I'm a Spectre candidate. He came to see if I should be inducted.”

“You were nominated for becoming a Spectre?” Alenko asked, eyes practically sparkling behind his helmet. “That's amazing! Did he mention why?”

You were silent for a moment before answering. “For my efforts during the Skyllian Blitz and managing to stay alive during...”

 _“Akuze?”_ Jeff finished, the frown clear in his voice.

“Yeah.” You shook your head. “That's not important right now. Now we look for survivors and pick up that thing they unearthed.”

Taking a deep breath that you didn't realize was audible over the Comm-link, you started forward once more. Alenko wisely stayed silent, opting to keep an eye on the surrounding hillsides instead. Jeff did the same, though back inside the ship he was as tense as a coil. The two of you continued in silence aside from the occasional order from you or a kill confirmation. Not nearly long enough later, they heard a call of pain as a woman in white a pink armor ducked behind a piece of debris.

“Staff Lieutenant! Cover me!”

“Aye aye, Commander,” came Alenko's reply, the man not missing as a beat as he ducked into cover and shot at the electronic forces to keep their attention away from you.

You bolted down the field, sliding into place beside a very surprised woman, before lifting your own weapon and helping Alenko finish off the remaining enemies. You sighed in relief before holstering your weapon and turning to the woman.

“My name is Commander Shepard,” you said, putting a hand on your hip and ignoring the huff in your ear that sounded oddly like your husband. “Who are you?”

The woman before you holstered her own weapon and saluted. “Gunnery Chief Williams, Commander.”

You narrowed your eyes before slipping off the helmet and studying the eyes of the woman before you. After a single, tense moment, you finally said, “I'm sorry.”

“Huh?” both marines managed, staring at you.

“I can see it in your eyes,” you explained. “I saw that same look in the mirror for years after Akuze. I'm sorry about your squad.”

Williams lowered her gaze. “Commander?”

“Hm?”

“Let me go with you. So I can get the bastards who did this.” When she looked back up, her eyes were full of determination.

“Well,” you said, grinning as you snapped the helmet to your hip. “You'd better get in line. Alenko and I are pretty happy to be gunning for them too.” With a shrug, you opened your Omni-Tool and sent the Comm frequency to the Gunnery Chief.

_“Great. We've got a bunch of blood thirsty marines ground-side. Remind me to not let you back on the ship.”_

Williams jumped at the sound of the man's voice. “Who's that?”

_“'Who's that?' Only the best pilot in the galaxy.”_

“No need to try to make yourself seem even better, Joker,” Alenko replied, managing a laugh.

You just shrugged at the two marines. “If only he was joking,” you said, chuckling. “Alright you two, let's move on. We need to check the dig site.”

 

*****

 

You weren't nearly crazy enough to think that you could take all the Geth alone. However, you _were_ crazy enough to let them get close to shooting out your barriers and shields while you got revenge for Nihlus' death. Saren and the Geth working together. And killing your damned friends. Wait until Ikura heard that the Human-hating Spectre on the top floor was the one who had allied with the Geth. You felt excited to get back home and tell her just to help plan out the bastard's assassination.

“Commander!” Ashley shot out, pulling you into cover just in time to avoid a rocket the chest.

You shook your head clear. “Thanks, Williams.”

The woman eyed you with a mixture of worry and suspicion before responding, “sure thing, Commander.”

“Alenko? How's that last bomb going?”

“It's proving difficult,” he called over the comm-link. “And while I do appreciate you guarding my back, Commander, there's no need to just stand there and get shot.” There was a hint of humor in his voice mixed in with the worry and concentration.

You felt herself laugh. “Well, you do realize that I'm shooting back, right?”

“Is this really the time to be joking around?” Williams huffed as you jumped out of cover again.

“This is exactly the time to be joking around,” you responded, calm. “When you get tense, you make mistakes. When you make mistakes, everything goes to hell. So lighten up, Gunnery-Chief. Let loose, huh?”

Williams glanced at you, her superior, clearly confused. How could you be so calm on the outside? When they'd found Nihlus, you had freaked out. You voiced that you had met the Spectre a few times on the Citadel when you were younger and had grown quite attached. Said that he was like the father figure you'd never had. And now you seemed as cool as a cucumber.

“Commander?” Ashley finally started, voicing her confusion.

Jeff managed a dry chuckle over the Comm-link. _“You should see their vitals right now. There is no way the Commander is calm. Their pretty angry.”_ The pilot sighed, a little too loudly. _“You just don't want to see them when their pissed. Talk about a beast.”_

“Flight Lieutenant!” you hissed, the words grumbled since you'd growled them out when smashing in a Geth's head with the butt of your rifle. “No need to get into specifics. Otherwise I might just prove to them how angry I get by breaking your leg.”

 _“Okay, okay,”_ Jeff laughed back. _“But you wouldn't have to be angry to do that. You'd just need to poke 'em or something, you know?”_

You rolled your eyes, only stopping the banter as the last Geth fell. “How's the bomb coming, Lieutenant?”

“Just another second, Commander.”

You placed the rifle back onto its clip before walking over to watch Alenko finish with the bomb. “Good job. Now let's go see this artifact that Saren seemed to want so badly.” You waved for them to follow before heading over. If only you'd remained conscious long enough to see the end result of their mission.

 

*****

 

You awoke several hours later in the Med Bay, gasping in air as if you'd been denied of it. The images you had seen were still winding throughout your brain, the memory one you weren't incredibly fond of. From what little you understood, it seemed to include some sort of enemy, creatures that reminded you of bugs, a war, and a lot of blood and carnage. But it was all just flashes. Something you weren't incredibly happy with probably having to talk about with a shrink.

“Commander,” came a quiet voice.

You stretched your neck as you sat up, moving your gaze to the other woman in the room. “Dr. Chakwas. Was I out for awhile?”

“A few hours,” she responded, scrolling through data on her Omni-Tool. Her tone of voice suggested it had actually been much longer. “You seemed to need the rest, but you're REM was surprisingly active, considering. How do you feel?”

“Other than a massive headache, I feel fine,” you answered honestly. “How's Alenko? I know he got grabbed by it too.”

At that, Chakwas glared at you from your position on one of her med bay beds. “He didn't get affected at all by it. You took all of the possible damage.”

“That's good.”

“In a way,” the doctor replied dryly. “You should speak with the Captain and confirm with Williams and Alenko that you're alright. They were worried.”

You managed a smile. “Sure thing, doctor. I'll come back if I feel any negative side effects.”

“Mm-hm,” came the quick reply. As you were about to walk out the door, Karin's head shot up. “And Commander?”

“Yes?”

“Please see Jeff first. He pinged me nearly every five minutes asking how you were doing.”

You felt the corners of your lips tug upwards. Currently on board, Karin and Anderson were the only ones who knew of the relationship other than the duo themselves. While she had sworn to secrecy, it didn't stop her from making it difficult for the two of you. But at the same time, she always knew how to make sure you were happy.

“Thanks, Karin.”

“Mm-hm,” the doctor hummed, waving a dismissive hand.

You happily took the cue and nearly ran over a crew member as you bounded up the stairs. After muttering a quick apology, you continued on your way. Upon getting near the cockpit, you waved the people there off, telling them to get dinner and go to bed. With some confusion as to why, the crew did as asked, silently walking off and whispering once they thought they were out of earshot.

Jeff was staring blankly at the terminal before him, his shoulders slumped forward. After sighing a few times, he opened up his Omni-Tool. “Hey, Chakwas. How's Shep doing?”

You raised an eyebrow, checking around to make sure no one was still nearby before entering the cockpit and slinking towards him.

_“Are you expecting a different answer than five minutes ago, Moreau?”_

Jeff frowned, tapping the arm of his chair. “I was hoping.”

_“Stop worrying, Jeff. I'm sure you'll see them soon.”_

You held back a chuckle at Chakwas' words. Figures she'd find a way to make Jeff's seeing you even better. With a light smile, you tapped Jeff's shoulder.

“Didn't I already tell you that I'm not switching out?” he grumbled.

You put your hands on your hips, smirking. “I doubt you'd want me to fly this ship anyway. Ever seen me drive a Mako?”

Jeff spun around, eyes widening. “Shep!” He pulled himself up as fast as he could without breaking a bone and tossed his arms around you. “Thank God,” he mumbled into your shoulder. “I had to sit back and watch Alenko carry you back to the ship. You weren't even responsive,” the rambling continued.

You eased your own arms around him, returning the hug. “Hey, you know more than anyone that I'm not that easy to kill,” you replied, nuzzling your nose into his hair and just enjoying his smell. “I wouldn't leave you behind.”

“Hope you wouldn't plan on taking me with you, either.”

You felt that strange urge to laugh bubble up from your chest at your husband's attempt to lighten up the situation. Despite all of your attempts to quell it, the laughter escaped and your arms tightened just a little around the man before you.

“What were you thinking?” he grumbled into you shoulder. “That thing could have killed you.”

Feeling a sigh start to work its way up, you pushed it back down and answered, “if it could've killed me, it could've killed Alenko. I couldn't let a second squad member die.”

“I know,” was the quiet response. “I just don't know what I'd do if they came back without you.”

“You won't ever have to find out.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got any ideas for things you'd like to see? Comment below, and maybe you'll see it in a later chapter!


	3. Spectre Commander Shepard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of the rewrites. This one is really short comparatively, since this was a good place to end the main ME1 stuff.
> 
> Next chapter, the hope is to end ME1 and get into stuff I'm more comfortable writing.

Hey, check out my [Tumblr](https://princesscipherite.tumblr.com/)!

And, if you like my writing, consider [buying me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A173WK5)!

“You know,” you grumbled, walking towards the elevator. “I really hate Udina. The Council too. They're all just a bunch of self-concerned jackasses!”

Ashley coughed into her hand, trying to keep herself from laughing. “Couldn't agree more, Commander.”

Alenko hummed in agreement. “What proof do they want?”

You sighed, stopping and turning towards a cab terminal instead. “Let's go find that Vakarian. He was working the case against Saren. He might be able to give us something or lead us in the right direction.”

“Sure thing, Commander,” both marines responded, following you into the cab.

It didn't take long for you to get the information they needed to find Vakarian. A simple threat and the inclusion that you'd led the Skillian Blitz left Hawkin terrified of what you might do to him. Which was fine with you. You didn't care about that drunkard. In all honesty, you were just glad you'd got there in time to save the doctor. Vakarian, who you now recognized as the C-Sec officer that had noticed your conversation with Nihlus before Eden Prime, joined you shortly after, glad to get a chance to go after Saren.

With his information, you were soon joined by Wrex, a Krogan warlord. While you had no qualms with working with a Krogan – you were one of the few who knew their 'kind' side – neither Alenko nor Williams had been excited about returning to the ship to allow Wrex and Vakarian to accompany their Commander. Regardless, their say didn't matter in the end. Of course, their returning did result in an interesting call while you were heading to Flux.

_“Shepard?”_

“Flight Lieutenant?” you hummed, glancing around to get you bearings before turning down a different hallway. “What's wrong?”

_“Why did Kaidan and Ashley return to the ship without you?”_

“And who's a pilot that questions their Commander?” Wrex huffed.

You rolled your eyes. “I've still got people watching my back, Jeff. I'm not alone.”

Garrus and Wrex both glanced at you at the use of the pilot's first name.

_“Are you sure, Shep?”_

The aliens glanced at each other.

“Yes, Jeff. Now I have to let you go. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get in a bar fight of some sort. With guns.”

_“Wait, what?”_

You didn't waste anytime in cutting the line and moving inside the club. As expected, an attacking group, well, attacked. With a sharp shooter at your back and a charging warlord to your front, it didn't take long at all for your group to slice through Fist's defenders. After getting the information from the idiot, you let Wrex shoot him. He did have a mission of his own, anyway. Upon noticing Garrus' disapproving look, you merely said, “would you have wanted to get in the way?”

It wasn't long after that you found the alleyway and saved the little Quarian's life. You'd always had a soft spot for Quarians. You trusted them, and would often let those with little credits stay at your apartment. There wasn't a lot you could offer them, but it was better than the streets. They seemed very nice about it, and since they'd never used your generosity to steal from you, they were clearly not the little thieves everyone thought they were.

“Okay, we're ready, Captain,” you said once your incredibly diverse ground team had assembled just outside the Council Chambers.

At some of the Councilors' words, the entire group froze. You had stepped forward, eyes widened and barely maintaining composure as the Council inducted you into the Spectres. What was one supposed to do in that situation? After failing your simple pick-up mission, you'd been made the first Human Spectre! The group made their way down the stairs and watched as you spoke with Udina and Anderson before they finally spoke.

“First Human Spectre?” Garrus hummed. “Never mentioned you were a Spectre candidate.”

You leveled a half-hearted glare at him. “I hadn't realized it was relevant anymore.”

Alenko just stared at you, eyes sparkling. “You did it, Commander!”

“Spectre Commander Shepard,” Ashley hummed. “Seems fitting.”

Wrex had laughed and clapped you on the back so hard you'd nearly fallen over. “Looks like I made a good choice following you!”

“That's amazing!” Tali had cheered. “I guess you really know what you're doing, huh?”

You just rolled your eyes again before looking at each one of them. “This mission will be dangerous. None of you have to come. But the option is open to all of you. I'm heading to the Normandy's docking bay to see what Captain Anderson wants. Meet me there if you want to come.” With that, you turned on your heel and walked towards the elevator, having decided to take the long way.

What you certainly weren't expecting was for the entire ground team to be waiting for you when you arrived. Sure, you'd stopped by the Spectre area to purchase some weapons with your savings, but them already being there meant that they hadn't even hesitated.

“I see you've got quite the team,” Udina ground out, eying the aliens.

“The best of the best,” you responded, not missing a beat.

Before the two of you could get into yet another pissing contest, Anderson stepped forward. “Commander. We've decided to give the Normandy to your command.”

“What?” was all you could manage, eyes widening to an impossible size.

You noticed a small glint in his eyes as he continued, but couldn't place it. “You'll need a ship to go after Saren, and she's the best one in the fleet. Take good care of her, Spectre Commander Shepard.”

“I will, Anderson.” you, unsure of how else to go about it, just shrugged and opened your Comm-link. “Flight Lieutenant? Get the ship ready for take off.”

_“Commander?”_

“We're leaving.”

_“What about the Captain?”_

Your shoulders fell ever-so-slightly. “He's not coming,” you said under your breath, moving into the airlock with one last, forlorn glance at Anderson.

 


	4. One Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're ready for this feels trip.
> 
> Also, I should really be packing. Whoops.

Hey, check out my [Tumblr](https://princesscipherite.tumblr.com/)!

And, if you like my work, consider [buying me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A173WK5)!

 

You sighed, heavily plopping down onto the bed and staring at the monitor on your desk. The time blinked at you, reminding you over and over again that all you could do was wait for the Normandy to reach your destination. It was finally time to take down Saren, and stop the Reapers in the process.

But this war wasn't without its consequences. The pictures on your desk – Ashley and Jenkins – greeted you with bright smiles. Kaiden was your bomb expert, and if something happened to the bomb, then the entire plan would have been a bust. There was nothing you could have done, but her words still haunted you.

You pulled your knees onto the bed, burying your face into them. A lot of people kept dying on your watch, and the fact that none of them would blame you was essentially useless.

The door to your room slid open, and you took a deep breath to calm yourself before raising your gaze. You blinked in surprise at seeing Kaiden, his eyes cast downward. He stepped in after a moment, clearing his throat loudly.

“Commander.”

You raised an eyebrow, adjusting the glove that covered your burned hand. “Alenko. Is something wrong?”

“I, uh, wanted to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“We have a tough battle ahead of us, and it might be good to, uh-”

“Are you hitting on me?” you finally asked, pulling one leg back onto the bed.

“Uh, t-trying to, Commander.”

Kaiden was an absolute blushing mess, and a part of you felt bad for the poor, confused soldier. Smiling softly, you pulled out the chain that always hung around your neck.

“Alenko, I should let you know that I'm married,” you said softly, showing off the engagement ring and wedding band. “I appreciate the, uh, intent though. No hard feelings?”

“O-of course n-not!” he called out, practically bolting from the room.

He gave a soft apology after nearly running into someone, and you smiled at Jeff as he came in. Your husband grinned at seeing you, shutting and locking your door behind him. Neither of you said anything as he plopped down on the bed beside you, slipping off his leg braces.

“You'll never guess what Kaiden was in here for.”

Jeff glanced up from unlacing the special boots. “Oh really? Shoot.”

“He was hitting on me.”

A snort immediately escaped the man. “Is that why he looked like he was fleeing a battlefield? I hope you didn't hurt his pride too much.”

“It wasn't that bad. Besides, shouldn't you be jealous or worrying that the strapping young Staff Lieutenant that's been flirting with your partner?” you asked, trying to look offended.

“Oh, please, I know how strapping I am. There's no way you'd ever leave your amazing and handsome husband.”

You punched him lightly in the arm, rolling your eyes. “You're an ass.”

“But I'm your ass.”

“Not that I mind, but what are you doing down here? I figured you'd refuse to leave the cockpit.”

“What? I can't spend some time with my partner before they go on a horribly difficult and dangerous mission to save the universe?”

A soft snort escaped you, but you'd known him long enough to recognize the worry laced in with the humor. “I _guess_ you can,” you called as dramatically as possible, slipping off the sweatshirt and glove to get more comfortable. “I mean, cuddling with my wonderful husband for a few hours just sounds _awful_.”

Jeff smiled lightly at you, pulling you close and grabbing the blankets to cover the both of you. “And they call me dramatic.”

You chuckled, curling into his chest in a practiced movement.

“Hey, Shep?”

Ah. There was that seriousness you were waiting for. “Yeah?”

“Promise me you'll make it out.”

“Everything's going to be fine, Jeff.”

He grumbled softly at you refusal to give a true answer, but didn't question you further. There wasn't really anything you could do if things go south.

And, while neither of you wanted to admit it, there was definitely a chance that you weren't coming out of this mission alive.

 

*****

 

It was one thing after another, wasn't it? First, you had to travel to the Citadel in a freaking Mako. Then, you had to watch Saren shoot himself directly in front of you. Moments later, you were getting reports of the Destiny Ascension about to go down with the Council on board.

And honestly, screw those assholes. You had more important things to worry about.

 _“Normandy to the Citadel,”_ you heard a cracking voice call out over the Comm-Link. _“Normandy to the Citadel. Oh, god, please tell me that's you, Shepard.”_

A sigh of relief escaped you. “It's me, Jeff.”

You chose to disregard the noise that followed your words, not caring that they sounded like a sob. Behind you, Garrus and Tali seemed almost as relieved to get a hold of the Normandy. Unfortunately, you didn't have long to revel in this realization that the both of you were currently alive. Jeff was quick to explain the situation regarding the Council and the Arcturus Fleet, but it was ultimately your decision. Garrus and Tali both chimed in with their own views, but you knew what had to be done.

And you hated yourself for it.

“I'm opening the relays now, Jeff.”

Your husband breathed in sharply, surprised at your choice but clearly not going to fight you on it. Within moments, you could hear the sound of some very happy Asari bringing their ship to safety.

Of course, nothing was that simple. Saren mutated into that horrible monstrosity due to Sovereign's influence. Another fight followed by another victory, even if the three of you came out of it worse for wear. You had almost no energy left for Biotics, Tali had multiple suit tears, and Garrus had almost lost a leg. Not to mention the damage the fleets had taken trying to destroy Sovereign before you effectively crippled him.

_“Hard on my flank – we're going in!”_

You watched in awe, companion at each side, as Sovereign was finally blown to pieces. Though your awe didn't last. A particularly large piece began flying directly toward the Citadel Arms Control. Directly for you and your companions.

A curse escaped your lips as you spun on your heels, lifting both Garrus and Tali with you Biotics before tossing them as far as you could manage in your weakened state.

The last thing you heard before blacking out was Jeff's panicked cry as he realized what had happened.

 

*****

 

“Captain Anderson! We've found them!” a man yelled out. “They're in here.”

Anderson rushed over immediately, eyes grazing over the two injured aliens for a few moments before he managed, “take it easy... it's over. You're safe now.”

_“How's Shepard?”_

The Caption gulped audibly, pointedly ignoring Jeff for now. “Where's the Commander? Where's Shepard?”

Jeff sucked in a sharp breath, his side of the Comm-Link going silent as no one answered.

The man from before stepped forward, helping Tali and Garrus up. “We need to get these two some medical attention.”

“The Commander used their Biotics to toss us out of the way,” Tali gasped out, tears clear in her voice. “If they hadn't....” her words trailed off, and no one felt a need to finish her sentence. The implication was clear. You had used what remained of your energy to save your companions, forfeiting your own life.

Anderson let loose a sigh, attempting to gain control of his emotions as he began leading the remaining two away. However, just as he turned, movement caught his eye. He took off like a bullet, tearing away the piece of debris that had been shaking oddly.

Behind it, grinning like you had just won the lottery, stood you. You were leaning on some debris, heavily favoring your left leg, and your right arm dangled at your side. Blood dripped into your face, but your smile remained.

“Hope you weren't planning on leaving be behind, Captain,” you rasped out.

_“S-Shepard...?”_

Anderson let loose a full-bodied laugh, relief clear in his voice. “They're safe, Flight Lieutenant.”

 _“O-oh, thank god,”_ Jeff cried out, finally let his emotions show.

You were alive.

 

*****

 

When you finally awoke after being pumped full of anesthesia, the first face you saw was Jeff's. He was sitting in a chair right beside your, and, if the duffel bag in the corner of the room were any indication, he hadn't left that spot in a while. His fingers skimmed half-heartedly over something on his Omni-Tool, and those familiar, olive green eyes looked much duller than normal.

“You look like you're attending a funeral. Can't I at least get a smile?” you ground out, raising an eyebrow and smirking at the man.

Jeff shot ramrod straight, the light from his Omni-Tool fading as his gaze landed on you. Within moments, tears had risen in his eyes and he grasped your closest hand, muttering prayers under his breath the whole time.

“Jeff?”

“Thank the gods that you're all right, Shep,” he managed. “I saw that thing hit where you were and all communications were cut off and then Anderson couldn't find you and-”

“Whoa, boy! Slow down a bit, okay?” You squeezed the hand holding yours. “Deep breaths, Jeff. I'm here. I'm fine.”

“That's relative,” he immediately countered. “You had a clean break on the humerus of your right arm, and you fractured your tibia in three places in your left leg. At least five of your ribs were also fractured. The doctors are also pretty sure that you have a concussion.”

“Damn. And here I thought that you were the one that was supposed to break bones in this relationship.”

A snort of amusement escaped your husband, and he finally gave you an honest smile. “I'd rather neither of us break any.”

“Eh. Got to keep things interesting somehow.”

“Interesting, hm?” he hummed with a grin. “How does over a month of shore leave during your recovery sound?”

You raised an eyebrow. “With you? You're getting shore leave, too?”

“Everyone is. The Normandy is grounded for repairs. Besides, it'd be hard to get anywhere without its Commander,” Jeff explained with a shrug. “It's paid, so none of us are going to argue with the time off.”

“Mm. I'm certainly not going to complain about quality time with my wonderful husband.”

“You'll go crazy within the hour.”

“Oh, definitely.”

 

*****

 

It took you all of seven hours to force your way out of the hospital. Jeff didn't argue of course, knowing that you would be infinitely more comfortable in your own. Besides, who was he to question you once you had your own set of crutches?

The remaining members of your ground team surprised you at the apartment, as did the three neighbors you were close to – Sara the Turian, Hylia the Asari, and Ikura the Drell. The party was pretty exciting, especially considering everyone that was in attendance. Wrex nearly destroyed your counters at one point, and Ikura openly complained – within earshot of the two C-Sec officers Garrus and Sara – about how she didn't get a chance to assassinate Saren herself after all the trouble he caused you.

Luckily, the whole thing ended with no arrests.

Tali and Liara were the two that stayed behind to clean up the mess since you and Jeff were hardly capable of handling something of that level. Liara offered to escort Jeff to whatever hotel he was staying at, but he managed to brush her off enough to get her out the door. Once the two of you were alone, you took to cuddling on the bed. It took a while to find a comfortable position with your fractured ribs and casts, but the two of you did eventually manage.

Still, Jeff was oddly quiet.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“No one uses pennies anymore.”

You snorted, leaning away from his chest to give him a fake glare. “Fine, smart ass. Credit for your thoughts?”

He sighed in response, clearly a bit upset that you hadn't fallen for his diversion. “You almost died.”

“It's a hazard of the job, Jeff. Especially now that I'm a Spectre.”

“But you've never come out in this bad a condition before, Shep.”

“I've never fought a giant organic-synthetic hybrid bent on destroying all intelligent life before.”

Another sigh escaped the man as he moved to lay on his back. He didn't seem to be in the mood for your own jests. “What if you hadn't come back?”

At this, you shifted into a sitting position, ignoring his concerned stare at your pained wincing. “Do you remember the mission to Eden Prime?”

“Huh?” he hummed, concern turning to confusion. “Of course I do. It's where this whole mess with Saren started.”

“And you remember, I assume, our conversation after I woke up?”

Jeff just stared at you, eyebrows knitting together.

“You said that you wouldn't know what to do if they had come back without me.” A soft, albeit determined, smile grew on your face as recognition dawned across his. “And I made you a promise. You'll never have to find out what that would be like. I intend to keep that promise, no matter the cost, Jeff. Can you trust me?”

The man sighed, though a familiar smile spread across his face. “I just can't win against you,” he murmured, wrapping both arms around you.

“Never could.”

 

*****

 

A string of curses escaped as you double checked your suit's oxygen tank. Joker's calls came over the intercom consistently, reminding you that he was definitely still on board. Kaiden reminded you of Jeff's inability to abandon ship, but you weren't about to let your husband die over this. The ship shook around you, explosions cutting through Jeff's incessant cries. He didn't want to lose the Normandy, but you were much more stubborn. You'd do _anything_ to keep him safe.

“Jeff, come on! We have to get out of here!”

“No!” he snapped back, so frantic he couldn't even spare you a glance. “I won't abandon the Normandy! I can still save her!”

“The Normandy's lost, Jeff! Going down with her isn't going to change that!” you pleaded, voice cracking slightly under the pressure. “ _Please_!”

He finally turned the familiar olive eyes to you, deflating at your likely terrified look. “Y-yeah... okay. Help me up, Shep.”

You got Jeff's arm over your shoulder with practiced grace, expertly maneuvering around the nearly destroyed ship to the remaining life pod.

“Shep!” your husband frantically called, momentarily distracting you from your task. “They're coming around for another attack!”

The blast shook the ship, completely cutting you off from the rest of it. Grinding your teeth together, you practically pushed Jeff into the pod, making sure that he was safely through. As you moved to take your own step in, another explosion rocked the entire ship. You were slammed against a nearby wall, close but too far.

“Shepard!”

You glanced between him and the launch terminal to the side, noting his frantic movements. How he tried to free himself of the harness. The tears rising in his eyes.

“ _Shep_! _No_!”

The pod launched as another explosion sent you hurtling into space, a piece of debris puncturing the tube of the oxygen tank that you had so carefully tried to take care of. There was to way to reach it without something to grab on to, and your panicked state slowly became an eerie calm. You were going to die. Suffocation in space.

As everything started to go black around you, you wished that you had taken more time to let Jeff know how much you loved him.

It was your one regret.

 


	5. And The Bell Tolls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than I would have liked. Hope you enjoy!

“And what else?” you finally ground out, cursing the Illusive Man in your mind. While he may have saved your life, he was also the man you were currently indebted to. If the Collectors really were the ones that had caused your death, you didn't mind using his money and resources to stop them, even if it meant doing his biding in the mean time. It wasn't pleasant, but it was a necessary evil.

But you could still remember the horrified tremble in Tali's voice as she realized it was you. How she was simultaneously pleased and relieved that she couldn't go with you at the time. And her horror at realizing those were _definitely_ Cerberus symbols on your uniform.

_“I've found a pilot I think you might like. I hear he's one of the best. Someone you can trust.”_

You sighed softly, trying not to let it show. There was only one pilot in the entire galaxy that you would trust with your life, and there was no telling where he was or what he was doing. As the hologram faded, a part of you hoped that he had moved on. If he had at least done that, maybe he was happy. Another, darker part of you wanted him to have not, so that you could go see your husband again. Allowing your shoulders to sag a bit, you grasped the necklace with the rings, beaten up but relatively safe since they'd been underneath your armor.

“Just like old times, huh?” a trembling voice said, breaking into your thoughts.

You spun on your heel, eyes widening and tears rising at the sight before you. “J-Jeff?!”

Tears openly spilled from his eyes as he wrapped his arms around you. “Thank god.”

“I... I can't believe it's you!” you managed, hugging him as tight as you could without breaking anything.

“Look who's talking,” he shot back, leaning away to narrow his eyes at you. “I _saw you get spaced_.”

You glanced away, unable to meet his eyes. “Got lucky, with a lot of strings attached. How'd _you_ get here?”

“It all fell apart without you there, Shep. All of it. Everything you stirred up, the Council just wanted it gone.” He finally separated from you, grabbing your hand to lead you through the facility. “Team was broken, records sealed, and I was grounded.”

You gasped, squeezing the hand holding yours. “I'm so sorry, Jeff.”

“The Alliance took away the only remaining thing that mattered to me. Hell yeah I joined Cerberus.”

“You really trust the Illusive Man?” you asked after a pause, chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“I don't trust anyone who makes more than I do. But they aren't all bad. Saved your _life_. Let me fly... and there's this.” Jeff stopped in front of a set of windows, looking out as his eyes seemed to brighten even more. “They only told me last night.”

Lights flashed on in the darkened area one at a time, revealing the ship it had been hiding. It looked almost exactly like the original Normandy, except the Cerberus colors and SR2 painted on the front and sides.

“It's good to be home, huh, Shep?”

A grin lifted the corners of your mouth. Long ago, due to how much you two moved around, you both decided that the Normandy was your home. It was where you both lived, where you could be together.

“I guess we'll have to give her a name,” you said in response, casting a glance at the man.

Before you shipped out, you personally made sure that “Normandy” was painted across the side.

 

*****

 

“I can't believe I get a whole room to myself,” you hummed, collapsing onto the bed and staring at the ceiling. “Cerberus clearly cares more for comfort than the Turians and Alliance.”

_“It is important for morale that all on board are comfortable.”_

With a small chuckle, you finally sat up. “That's fair. Besides, I bet I'll sleep like a baby on this bed. It's probably for the best that the person leading ground-side missions is well rested.”

_“That was the intent.”_

You stood, looking around the room and learning where everything was. After having EDI make a few personal notes for you – buy fish, get clothes that actually fit, et cetera – you were fairly certain that the main stuff was handled. According to EDI, you had already met the most important of your crew members.

What else was there to do?

_“Jeff Moreau is outside of your room requesting permission to enter.”_

“Oh, let him in, EDI.” Despite Jeff seeming sure that she was 'ship cancer', you were quite fond of how helpful she was. Even if the idea of an AI, shackled or otherwise, made you nervous. The door soon opened, Jeff muttering under his breath about needing the AI to let him in while you thanked her for her assistance.

“You don't need to thank it.”

You gave a good natured eye roll. “Okay, bud. So, what can I do for you? Ready for bed?”

The corner of Jeff's mouth twitched, though he seemed to be fighting it. “Can we talk first?”

“Uh, sure,” you managed, gesturing to the couch across from the bed. That phrase never meant good things, especially considering that you had technically been dead for so long. To be honest, until he said that, you hadn't even considered how long it must have been for him. It had been minutes to you.

Once the two of you were situated, Jeff reached forward and grabbed your left hand. His thumb rubbed over you wedding band and engagement ring, seeming to relax a bit at realizing that you were wearing them once more. His gaze trailed up your arm, resting on the golden chain that held the rings while you were working.

“I, uh...,” he trailed off, words getting caught in his throat.

“You're still wearing the wedding band,” you finally said, willing to say anything to break the silence.

He smiled at that. “I never took it off.”

You squeezed the hand holding yours. “When I first woke up, I wanted to ask about you,” you admitted, hoping your words would spark his, “but I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Well, a part of me wanted you to move on since it had been so long,” you answered, glancing to the side. You couldn't find the will to look at him. “I'd rather you forgot about me than suffered. But there was a selfish part of me. I... wanted you to not have. Because it meant you might be waiting for me.” A sigh escaped you. “I'm... sorry for that.”

Jeff tugged on your hand, holding tightly between his own. “Shep.” When you didn't move, he squeezed your hand tighter. “Look at me, please.”

He was smiling softly at you when you finally looked up, tears glittering in his eyes.

“Shep, I never stopped loving you. I don't think I could.” He bit his lip, taking a deep breath to stop the flow of tears. “But I...,” his words trailed off again, but he seemed more determined than before. “You can't do that again.”

You raised an eyebrow, confused. “Do what?”

“You... you _died_! Saving _me_! If I hadn't fought so much and just listened, you would... you'd....” His hands were getting tighter by the second, and the tears were streaming down his face. “You can't risk yourself to save me,” he finally said. “I... couldn't handle seeing that again.”

“Jeff,” you muttered, tugging him closer so you could hug him. “I.... I can't promise that.” He tried to pull away at your admission, but you held fast. “If I could do something to save you, I'm going to do it. And, while I know this might not help, I don't blame you for what happened.”

His shoulders shook with his cries. “But if I....”

“No, Jeff. Ya know, all I could think about during that time was how many times I'd missed telling you how much I loved you,” you admitted, gently rubbing his shoulder. “I only had one regret, and it was not telling you that I loved you more.” With that, you leaned back a little, wiping away your tears as you smiled at him. “I love you, Jeff. Even with all the baggage.”

A choked laugh escaped him as he shakily grasped your face. “Can I kiss you, Commander Shepard-Moreau?”

“You'd better.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Got something you'd like to see in future chapters? Comment below, and you might see it (eventually)!


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